Saturday, August 11, 2007

Truly, this heretic priest is not far from the Truly True Church

So close to the Truly True Faith...too bad he is a priest of those heretics, the SSPX...

The SPV2 is spreading foul rumors!

Friends and supporters,

I wish to assure thee that a recently circulated email implying that Sir Denzinger and our Patroness, Lady Katherine of Beckinsale, are having an affair is blatantly FALSE.

I have tracked the email's origin back to the secret Hotmail account of one Sister Fairah. I trust that all Truly Traditional Catholics will realize how tightly we have the heretics pressed against the wall, that they must resort to smear tactics rather than apologetics!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney
First Knight Supreme of the HKTTC

Dispatch from the BattleField (Part 1)

Friends and supporters,

Fear not! I have received email from several individuals concerned that, since our Vocations page has not been updated for a few weeks, that perhaps the entire Order had been captured by Modernists! First, let me assure thee that the Order would never be captured--ye might find our dead bodies inside a circle of slain heretics, but never would thee find us in a dungeon of the SPV2 community! We die with our swords in hand! A verbis ad verbera!

The reason that none of the brothers have been able to update the page is because the entire Order has been afield in a most daring, most secret raid. Thou may recall that I noted that the foul anti-Pope in Kansas was a most pressing danger to Truly Traditional Catholics? Well, not anymore! We have chased the foul heretic into hiding!

On August 6th, the Order received a Bull of Excommunication from the Anti-Pope Michael of the Vatican in Exile. I was so enraged that I promptly ran outside and hacked down a tree with my sword. To think that a foul apostate anti-Pope should think he even had the POWER to excommunicate a member of a holy Order of knights of the Truly True Church! The arrogance, the heresy, the nerve!! He must be made an example of! Otherwise, what lunancy could not be justified by that heretic, or the heretics at the SPV2?

Springing into action, I ordered the knights and postulants to break camp and saddle the horses. We were a bit low on horses (since, actually, I was the only one in possession of one) so I sent the postulants to commandeer the steeds from a local horse farm. We saddled up immediately and struck out for Delia, Kansas, where the fetid anti-Pope was holed up in his sprawling estate. We rode day and night, stopping only to demand vittles and supplies at swordpoint.

Finally, we arrived on a hill outside the anti-Pope's compound (a rusty doublewide trailer perched on the edge of a swamp) on the morning of the eighth day. The postulants were extremely weary, but my fellow knights were keen and alert. I sent Postulant Shamus O'Collins, a big strapping Irishman, as a messenger to the heretic. Imagine my joy when through my eyeglass I witnessed that the anti-pope himself answered the door, dressed in his bathrobe! The postulant exchanged words with the heretic, and pointed to our glorious battleforce. The heretic's eyes grew large with fear as he saw the sun glinting off the cold steel of an entire Order of fearless Truly Traditional Catholics!

The anti-pope gave young O'Collins a mighty shove, sending him careening backwards into one of the piles of rubbish that lay about the trailer. The heretic made a mad rush out of the Vatican-in-Exile to the papal carport, fumbling with the keys to his sagging '85 Ford Escort.

I smiled, drew my sword, and yelled "For Our Church, our Patroness, and the SSLI!" Sir Denzinger unfurled the flag of the Order as Postulant Giuseppe Francesca (Vincenzo would be proud of his nephew!) blew forth upon his trumpet. I kicked my steed forward, and with a mighty yell the rest of the Order followed, swords lofted high.

The anti-Pope fumbled his keys inside the car as the thundering of numerous horses bearing down upon him unnerved him. I was almost to the rusting automobile when he finally found the keys their home, slammed the transmission into reverse, and screeched backwards down his rutted dirt lane.

Spinning around, I ordered Sir Torquemada to take the postulants, ransack the heretic's papal apartments, and seize any useful papers that could be used at his heresy trial. After that, he was to set torch to the estate as a reminder of the price of heresy. I motioned to Sir Denzinger and we took off down the lane after the fleeing heretic.

The anti-pope, his face full of recognition of where his pretension to papal authority had landed him, reached the main highway moments before Sir Denzinger and I reached him. He flew out onto the paved road, made a huge U-turn, and hurtled off down the road. Without missing a beat, we brave knights gave him chase.

To be continued...

Friday, July 27, 2007

The Interweb turns out to be another part of the Modernist plot

Ah ha! So that was New Rome's plan, eh? Get all of us Truly Traditional Catholics online, and then unleash the Terminator's Skynet upon us? Too bad we discovered their devious plan, and the Google Rebel Alliance is already in place to counter them!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Allegory of the Modernists and the Truly True Church

Hola, hombres, I found this video when I was surfing the interweb, me gusto mucho. It's all like an allegory about how the Truly True Church stands up against the Modernists, and how us Knights protect it against the evil heretics.

The postulants thought it was neat, so i hope u all do 2.
Sir Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger, HKTTC
Second Knight, Chief of the Armory

Congregation of the Ruler-Bearing Little Sisters of St. Leo

Greetings, friends and supporters,
In addition to inquiries from numerous young men and lads, I have also received correspondence from several young ladies about a possible religious vocation within the Truly True Church. I promised to the inquirers to look into a possible situation but I had no viable options available. Until now!

I am proud to announce that Sr. Tissier de Mallerais (named after one of Archbishop Lefebvre's brave Group of Four who stood up against the Modernists in Rome) has taken up residency adjacent to the HKTTC temporary encampment in Memphis. Sister comes to us from an independent convent in Georgia, an institution which was originally associated with the SSPX but then left after the SSPX lapsed into hersey. Sister felt compelled to leave the convent after it, too, lapsed into heresy. She learned of the Truly True Church through several truck drivers that Sir Denzinger and myself had evangelized in Wichita.

I have thoroughly examined Sister and found her a most pious and learned woman. She will be starting a school for our young postulants and teaching them Latin and anti-Modernist rhetoric. She has also established and heads a new congregation of nuns, temporarily funded by the HKTTC, under the spiritual patronage of the Society of St. Leo I, and pastored by myself. The Congregation of the Ruler-Bearing Little Sisters of St. Leo (CRBLSSL) is a teaching order espousing the Truthiness of the Truly True Church and advancing reading, writing, and arithmetic. Once the Chapel of St. Leo I is constructed in Nashville, Mother plans to relocate her school on to property adjacent to this most inspiring edifice.

All vocations inquiries may be directed to Mother Tissier at

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church

Thursday, July 19, 2007

One Glorious Day: 2 new knights and ten postulants

Dear friends and supporters,

Today was a glorious day for our Order. This morning we wrapped up our "Come and See" week activities. To those who say that knightly work is too dangerous for young lads, I'm proud to point out that only one of our participants was injured in the week's activities (and those facial scars will score him free ale later on in life.)

The boys were pleased to see their parents at the temporary chapel tent but little did they know what liturgical delights lay ahead for them.I announced that Brs. Denzinger and Torquemada were to receive the habit and profess their solemn vows with the Order this very day! (See the habit of the Order to the left--I assure you it even SMELLS of sanctity)

I do not wish to outline the Habit and Vow Ceremony here on this interweb site (in case that foul Harpy Sr. Fairah should use it for some satanic anti-Truthiness ceremony.) However, I can tell ye that when the brothers, clothed in their glorious habits, swore upon their swords' hilts the Five Vows, there was not a dry eye amongst any of the visitors. 

I presented the new religious to the congregation
 and then announced a special honor: 
Our Patroness, the most chaste and virtuous Lady Katherine of Beckinsale, was present to knight the two brothers! Our Patroness, who had been wearing a veil to hide her beautiful face and a heavy cloak to obscure her fine carriage, threw off her disguise and took her position before the two religious. She solemnly dubbed both the men knights and they arose Sir Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger, HKTTC and Sir Torquemada of the Pissed Off Truly True Church, HKTTC.  

Immediately following the Vow Ceremony, we were
nearly knocked down by the flood of young lads 
clamoring to enter Postulancy. 
My heart was gladdened by their piety, 
and the piety of their Truthy parents.
I even had one woman yell "Take me son!!!" 
and she did lob the child at me.

At the end of the day, the Order now has two new solemnly professed Knights and ten postulants!

The Truly True Church is alive and well!

For Our Patroness, For Our Truly True Church, For the Society, For the Order! A verbis ad verbera!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director


Wednesday, July 18, 2007

"Ah, I love the smell of heretic flesh roasting in the morning"

Salutations, friends and supporters,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news twice in a row, but I feel compelled to bring it to thy attention. Last night, whilst the knights and our young visitors were all at table feasting over a lavish spread of fowl and mutton (thanks to Br. Denzinger's cooking skills), one of our assembly said something that shocked the entire table into silence. A middle-aged man named Bradley had come to our Vocations week on Monday night, asking to be given consideration as a postulant. Typically, we only accept young warriors, but I liked his heart and thought maybe he would do well being the porter for our new novitiate. We clothed him in a simple postulant robe and invited him into our motley company.

It was this Bradley, who the HKTTC had taken in off the street with open arms, who stated the ill-gotten words. We were laughing and feasting and he quiped "You know what would help with all the tension around here, a little Reiki and a couple good yoga sessions." The entire assembly fell silent and Bradley threw both hands over his mouth, realizing his mistake; his eyes grew wide with fear (wider even than a Frenchman's on a battlefield). I leaped onto the table, crossing the distance betwixt us while simultaneously drawing my sword in one smooth motion. Brs. Denzinger and Torquemada leaped to their feet as well and within seconds Bradley's neck was surrounded by cold steel blades.

"And where,"I asked him, my blade twittering next to his jugular, "Did ye learn about Reiki?" The cowed man stuttered, "Fr-From-From a magazine at the bus station!" I didn't believe the liar for an instant, and I was immensely pleased when one of our young recruits leaped to his feet, in full comprehension, pointed to the knave, and shrieked, "HERETIC! A HERETIC! Here, in our midst!" I was proud of the young lads, none of them ran away in fright! Indeed, two of them ran and got some rope and bound the heretic whilst I questioned him.

The heretic was not being cooperative at first, but a few hours upon the rack softened him up. That is how I learned that he was Sr. Fairah's brother, the ex-Novus Ordo priest Bradley Fawcett, sent by that foul Harpy of a sister of his to spy on the inner workings of the HKTTC.

Well, after an admission of evil like that, there was only one thing I felt I could do. I had to "light 'em up!"

Our young visitors proved quite hardy during the whole ordeal. In fact, some of them even went so far as to roast marshmellows for s'mores on the heretic's pyre! Now tell me these boys not be made of mettle and Truthiness strong enough for the HKTTC!

Let this be a warning to ye, Sr. Fairah. I be done fooling with ye. Cross me again, and thou shalst follow thy brother!!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

P.S. Do ye want the carcass? The vultures have picked it clean, and if ye don't want it, we're just going to have to throw it out.

Monday, July 16, 2007

MODERNISTS UNMASKED: The hypocrisy of the SPV2 Community

Dearest friends and supporters,
Tis my sad duty to inform ye, during this week of hope (in which Truly Traditional vocations are flourishing), that the Modernist heresy is alive and well in the U.S. Verily, not far from this fair city of Memphis, wherest the HKTTC have made their encampment, the foul stench of HERESY is arising from the Smoky Mountains. Oh, dear brethren, the mighty priests of the SSLI, those brave saintly men who goest by the names Fr. LeJanvier and Fr. Heidrich, they do labor in those hills, tis true. But great is their battle, dear friends!

It will interest ye to know that I have infiltrated an especially pernicious nest of heretics, named the SPV2 community. In fact, I have managed to gain access to their personal interweb communications site. Oh, the dastardly things these heretics write doth make even mine hair, these hairs that have seen a thousand men fall in battle, even these hairs stand on end in fright! Tis as if the very darkest demon hath crawled forth from Hell's heart and taken pen to parchment. I will not trouble thee with what blasphemies are written there; suffice to know that they art dark as dragon's blood.

Thou art surely wondering whyst the HKTTC hath not ridden into glorious battle into the very midst of these foul apostates? Indeed, brethren, for months my heart hath longed to dispatch wrack and ruin upon them! But saintly Fr. LeJanvier, who I hath sworn obedience to, hath staid my sword arm of wrath. He hath mercy on the heretics, seeing that they art the blind leading the blind into eternal perdition. You should see how he weeps over them, dearest supporters. It makes even mine heart break to see the love that this Truthy priest hath for the lost sheep. It is for this reason alone that I hath not brought the Scourge of God against this heretic enclave.

Indeed, brethren, as an act of mercy, I endeavored to enter into dialogue with the heretics on their own web portal. I used the most gently prodding terms and expressions, endeavouring to show them the error of their ways. I didst not back down from the Truthy dogmas of our Truly True Church, but I didst try to hath patience with their obstinacy.

But how have these heretics responded to mine pleas? With arrogance and buffoonery! Ye would not believe how I hath been ill-abused by these knaves! One heretic in particular, Sr. Fairah, is the most devious, foul-tempered Harpy I hath ever hath the misfortune to run across. Her forked tongue doth practically leap from her fetid mouth with every foul-smelling lie that she spews forth! She doth stamp her hoofed foot and a thousand black calumnies spring forth from the motion.

I tried in vain to convince this intractable heretic of the evil of her life, but she was merely defended and confirmed in her carnality by her fellows! Whilst I was preparing another rebuttal, a final plea for her soul, her dark overlord, the Mephistophelian Fr. Tim, didst step in and enable a devilish device known as "Comment moderation." It is as foul and soulless an infernal device as it sounds, dear brethren. This device refuses to allow me to reach out to the heretics; the cloven-footed Fr. Tim doth now control the flow of information to his sect.

Now we see how the Modernists act! They claim freedom of speech and expression for every lie and heresy, but for the blazing glory of Truthiness they dispatch malevolent censors and demons to bowdlerize the Truthiness of the Truly True Church! They have trampled down and defecated upon my right to save heretic souls from everlasting perdition! Locked in their ignorance, these heretic souls shalt now kick their heels at Heaven and take up their abode in the fiery cauldrons of God's wrath.

BEWARE, Truly Traditional Catholics! See howst goeth the Modernist heretics? See what seeds they sow and what crop they doth reap? Flee from any contact with these heretic scum. For the safety of thine souls, flee! Thou art the Remnant, and thou must protect thyself and thy children from the coming scourge!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church

'Come and See' Week a Smashing Success

Salutations, loyal supporters,

It is my pleasure to announce to ye that the first annual Holy Knights of the Truly True Church's 'Come and See' Week is a smashing success! We have thirteen strapping young Truly Traditional lads who are eager to take up the vocation of a knight-monk dedicated to the service of the Truly True Church! They range in age from the youngest (5) to the eldest (17). As I type this on my iPhone, the little buggers are off jousting with Br. Denzinger in the parade field. Don't worry, folks, we gave them real swords and Brother a wooden one, just to make it fair!

The young lads will spend the week learning more about the HKTTC and about the glorious history of the Truly True Church. They will also learn how to spot a Modernist from 50yds and how to flagellate using both ropes and chains. Time permitting, the boys will master the use of a trebuchet to fling stinking carcasses of plague-ridden animals into the strongholds of New Rome.

Thy donations and purchases of our ale make events like this possible. I am sure that we shall have several vocations arise from this event, and for that the HKTTC be eternally grateful. With thy help, we shall beat down the heretics and restore the Truly True Church to its rightful place in history!!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Third Order of the HKTTC

Greetings and salutations, friends and supporters,

I have been contacted by numerous individuals about the ways in which they can support our holy Order. Obviously, one can buy our ale, donate money, or donate thy sons to the Order. But I have also discerned there is a need for an organization that will allow ye to provide spiritual aid to the Order. To this end, I am hereby establishing, by my authority as First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church, the Third Order of the HKTTC.

Membership in the Third Order is open to anyone who is willing to pray and sacrifice for the Order and its mission of supporting the SSLI and converting the world to the Truly True Church. Spiritual direction will be provided via email, telephone, and in person from the First Knight Supreme himself.

The obligations imposed upon members are minimal:
1) Pray the full 15 hours of the Truly True Church's prayer book in Latin
2) Mortify the flesh with an ice cold shower for a half hour every morning
3) Donate 10% of all income (after the mandatory SSLI tithe, of course) to the HKTTC
4) Pray that New Rome may once again accept the Truthy faith
5) Actively work to encourage vocations to the HKTTC in thy family and SSLI-affliated chapel
6) Work to convert heretics to the Truly True Church

If ye are interested in becoming a member of the Third Order, please place your request in the comment box below. I will post the final list to a sidebar item so that our 3rd Order members can network and support each other in their spiritual duties.

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

Thursday, July 12, 2007

"Come and See" Week for Young Men

Attention young men considering a vocation to the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church:

There will be a "Come and See" week for young men in discernment July 16-20, 2007 at the HKTTC encampment at the Memphis, TN fairgrounds. Young men will see how a knight-monk lives, experience weapons training, and receive free spiritual direction from the First Knight Supreme of the Order. This is an exciting opportunity to see first-hand what a vocation to a Truly Traditional martial Order entails. Free hairshirts to the first ten applicants. All applicants should be virtuous and from large families practicing the pure Truly Traditional faith. Please contact the Vocations Director at

(In case you are wondering why this event is being held in Memphis rather than Knoxville, it is because the Order's semi-truck shot a piston through its hood right as we rolled across the TN border.)

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

UPDATE: Four boys have already signed up for this event. Only six free hairshirts are left!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007


No, not THAT Pope, THIS pope..

The only thing that the HKTTC hates more than the Modernists who sit in Rome are those traditionalists who claim to be Traditional but are nothing more than thinly cloaked heretics. These Pseudo-Traditionalists, or PseuTrads as I prefer to call them, lack the Truthiness of the Truly True Church and lead many innocent Traditional souls to damnation by their falsehoods.

This 'Pope Michael' and his sect have the gall to think that they have the authority to elect a pope to the vacant Apostolic See! Outrageous! As every priest of the SSLI can tell ye, only a council composed of Truly Traditional Catholics has the authority to elect a successor to Pope St. Leo the Great (Revised Code of Canon Law of the Truly True Church, Canon 989). This sect's election and installation of an Anti-Pope is the worst treason to Truthiness. It's so treasonous, in fact, that I pronounce this 'Pope Michael' to be Anti-Truthiness itself in embodied form. Never since Judas himself has such a fiend been loosed upon the surface of the Earth.

I know that there are those in the ranks of our faithful supporters who would argue that the SPV2 community is a greater threat to Truthiness. Not so! SPV2's heresies are so egregious and apparent that Truly Traditional Catholics easily see through their lies and stratagems. These vile 'Michaelnites' however, flaunt the suits and trappings of Truthiness but they do so only so that they may ensnare Truthy souls more completely. With my sword as my witness, the Michaelnites art the greater danger to the Truly True Church!

In order to halt the spread of this evil across the Earth, and to preserve the sanctity of Truly Traditional Catholics everywhere, we knights of the HKTTC do hereby resolve to lay waste to the strongholds of the Anti-Truthiness and wipe out all remembrance of this vile sect from the face of the Earth. We will give no quarter, extend no mercies, and hold back no engine of war until this fetid blasphemy is stamped into ash under the feet of Truthiness! This we do solemnly swear by the hilts of our swords!

We have sent a list of the manifest theological errors and heresies of this vile, devilish sect to the priests of the SSLI. It is our hope that our spiritual fathers will agree that this anti-Pope poses a clear danger to the Truly True Church and will authorize a Holy Crusade of Truthiness against these false 'Catholics'. (If this Holy Crusade be declared, then Truly Traditional Catholics are notified that it is their solemn duty as members of the Truly True Church to provide able-bodied male offspring, materiel, and monetary funds to the SSLI for the war effort).

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church

Sunday, July 8, 2007

New Novitiate Plans

Dear friends and supporters,

Huzzah! These are happy times for the HKTTC! Our sales of 'Bloody Sword of Truthiness Ale' have been going through the roof, our vocations rate has gone up 200%, and the brothers and I are on our way to join the pious brethern of the SSLI in Knoxville. We will arrive just as building is commenced on the glorious Chapel. These are happy times indeed.

All the novices and I would like to extend a cordial "Thank ye!" for thy support and prayers during the initial days of the HKTTC. As the Order continues to grow, it is essential that we have a sufficiently contemplative (and strategically defendable) novitiate for our young men in formation. After consulting several Truthy architects, I have settled upon a building plan. Once we arrive in Knoxville, the Order will begin examining lots for purchase (preferably high in the Smokies) for the construction of the La Grande Smoketuse fortress/novitiate:

Donations will be cheerfully accepted (the HKTTC is a 401 (c) charity).

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

Saturday, July 7, 2007

The new HKTTC commercial (featuring the Austrian priests of the SSLI)

I wish to thank Fr. Heidrich for contacting his confreres teaching in the SSLI's seminary in Austria and enlisting their cooperation in the HKTTC's first TV spot for 'Bloody Sword of Truthiness Ale'.

If ye look closely, ye can see Fr. Lejanvier's brother in the background (he's wearing a black cassock and biretta.)

Unfortunately, Brother Torquemada forgot to send a branded container for our ale, so the good fathers were forced to use a discarded Stella Artois crate. I hope it doesn't cause any confusion regarding what brand of beer is being advertised (the HKTTC is new at global advertising--bear with us).

Thursday, July 5, 2007

A new novice!

More good news, Truly Traditional Catholics! Whilst I was bilocating to the SPV2 picnic (a nice little saintly trick I've been blessed with) Brother Denzinger was rounding up a new novice to our Order! Allow me to introduce Dwight "Big John" Suspenderandbelt.

Big John is a long-haul trucker who has spent the last ten years hauling medical waste from Los Angeles to Montana. Brother Denzinger evangelized him by striking up a conversation while they were both using the truckstop urinal--let this be a reminder to be creative in your outreach efforts! Obviously, Big John saw the Truthiness of the Truly True Church and converted instantly.

Brother Denzinger said he has never seen anything like it, Big John just burst out in Latin praising God. Of course, this worried me at first, because I feared Big John was one of those semi-lunatic 'Charismatic' heretics that I've read about in Truly True Church Today magazine. But I later found out that Big John had once been forced as a child to attend a chapel of those most tricksy of apostates, the SSPX (who LOOK Truly Traditional on the outside but inside are full of sticky Modernist goo) and so he had a command of the True Language, Latin.

Big John has chosen the religious name of Brother Torquemada of the Pissed Off Truly True Church.

He will begin martial training next Monday,
and Ale Brewing 101 on Tuesday.

As part of the disposition of his temporal assets, Brother has deeded his semi-truck over to the Order. The HKTTC is now mobile! 

Please help support our growing number of novices by purchasing some of our tasty HKTTC homebrew!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney,
Vocations Director

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Bloody Sword of Truthiness Ale available at SPV2 picnic

Dear supporters,

Brother is FedExing three crates of our delicious homebrew to Fr. Tim's mailing address. Anyone who wishes to sample this finely crafted ale can do so at the SPV2's upcoming picnic.

Remember, we are NOW taking orders online at

(See Fr. Chadwick, I CAN be ecumenical!)

Fund Raiser

As Fr. Chadwick can tell ye, one of the problems faced by the Truly True Church (and incidentally, any Orders attached to it) is a lack of monetary funds. Of course, this fact only proves the truthiness of Truthiness, because we are allowed to suffer the same poverty that so many of the saints have lived in.

However, the HKTTC is in need of gold. What with our vocations boom (have I mentioned our vocations rate is up 100%?) I must start thinking about plans to build a novitiate to house our novices whilst they are learning how to slay heretics in the intellectual sense, and the more literal one as well.

This morning, I was discussing with Brother Denzinger over breakfast in the Wichita truckstop (where we are encamped indefinitely until our impecunious situation is overcome) about our options. He immediatley piped up and said we should start selling 'smack', which he apparently has some experience in. I expressed my doubts whether heretics would actually PAY to be smacked. Brother put his head in his hands and muttered something in Spanish, and then said 'No, I mean coke, esse.' I laughed and told him that the local Coca-Cola bottling plant would sue us out of existence before we could raise enough funds. Brother put his head down on the table and went back to muttering Spanish under his breath.

Brother's idea did give me an idea, however. Rather than Coke, why not another liquid beverage, following in the grand traditions of the medieval monasteries? 

Faithful supporters, allow me to introduce the official,
fundraising beer of the Order:

 'Bloody Sword of Truthiness Ale.' 

Now available for ordering online at

6 packs=$9.99, 24 packs=$24.99.

30% alcohol by volume

All proceeds support the HKTTC.

Vocations Profile: Brother Denzinger

I would like to take a little bit of time to introduce our newest (and only) novice, Brother Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger. Brother Denzinger was known as Alejandro Edmundo Guatarahas before he joined the Order, and was born in the tiny farming village of Poorashell, Mexico. He accompanied his father and mother to the U.S. in their lucrative career of 'migrant worker-ing', until a horrible turnip farming accident took both their lives. Alejandro, penniless and alone, took to criminal exploits in order to survive. He proved so successful at this line of work that he eventually founded the Hays, KS branch of the MS-13 street gang, where he went by the name 'El Gato de Muerta' (you can see he even had cat ears tattooed on his forehead!) Alejandro met me during the course of his criminal pursuits and became so enamored of the Truly True Church and the blessed mission of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church that he signed up immediately and took a religious name. He is currently serving as my personal squire and learning the basics of armed apostate combat.

Brother is a new convert to the Truly True Church, and like most converts his fervor is running high. Every day he says things like 'I wish I could slaughter a million heretics and present their heads to Fr. Chadwick as a symbol of my love for the SSLI.' What commendable brutality and piety! Brother will be eligible for temporary vows to the HKTTC once he has slaughtered his first heretic.

Do you think that you or your son could have a calling to join our most Holy Order? Please think about it and contact the Truthy priests of the SSLI for spiritual direction and opportunities for penance and mortification.

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Do you think you may have a vocation to the HKTTC?

Do you dream of spreading the Truthiness of the Truly True Church to all the apostates of the world? Do you wish that conversion rates could be increased by conducting them at swordpoint?

YOU MAY HAVE A VOCATION TO THE Holy Knights of the Truly True Church!!

We are a martial Order of Knight-Monks, serving the Truly True Church, under the spiritual patronage of the Society of St. Leo I.

By joining our Order, you will be trained in the ancient ways of armed conflict, including sword-fighting, crossbow usage, and plundering. You will also receive a bang-up theological education from the priests of the SSLI.

Don't delay--the Modernist heresy is growing by the minute!

UPDATE: The only physical requirement for postulants of the HKTTC is the ability to swing a sword or battle-ax. The ability to drink large quantities of ale is a positive but not required.