I hate to be the bearer of bad news twice in a row, but I feel compelled to bring it to thy attention. Last night, whilst the knights and our young visitors were all at table feasting over a lavish spread of fowl and mutton (thanks to Br. Denzinger's cooking skills), one of our assembly said something that shocked the entire table into silence. A middle-aged man named Bradley had come to our Vocations week on Monday night, asking to be given consideration as a postulant. Typically, we only accept young warriors, but I liked his heart and thought maybe he would do well being the porter for our new novitiate. We clothed him in a simple postulant robe and invited him into our motley company.
It was this Bradley, who the HKTTC had taken in off the street with open arms, who stated the ill-gotten words. We were laughing and feasting and he quiped "You know what would help with all the tension around here, a little Reiki and a couple good yoga sessions." The entire assembly fell silent and Bradley threw both hands over his mouth, realizing his mistake; his eyes grew wide with fear (wider even than a Frenchman's on a battlefield). I leaped onto the table, crossing the distance betwixt us while simultaneously drawing my sword in one smooth motion. Brs. Denzinger and Torquemada leaped to their feet as well and within seconds Bradley's neck was surrounded by cold steel blades.
"And where,"I asked him, my blade twittering next to his jugular, "Did ye learn about Reiki?" The cowed man stuttered, "Fr-From-From a magazine at the bus station!" I didn't believe the liar for an instant, and I was immensely pleased when one of our young recruits leaped to his feet, in full comprehension, pointed to the knave, and shrieked, "HERETIC! A HERETIC! Here, in our midst!" I was proud of the young lads, none of them ran away in fright! Indeed, two of them ran and got some rope and bound the heretic whilst I questioned him.
The heretic was not being cooperative at first, but a few hours upon the rack softened him up. That is how I learned that he was Sr. Fairah's brother, the ex-Novus Ordo priest Bradley Fawcett, sent by that foul Harpy of a sister of his to spy on the inner workings of the HKTTC.
Well, after an admission of evil like that, there was only one thing I felt I could do. I had to "light 'em up!"
Our young visitors proved quite hardy during the whole ordeal. In fact, some of them even went so far as to roast marshmellows for s'mores on the heretic's pyre! Now tell me these boys not be made of mettle and Truthiness strong enough for the HKTTC!
Let this be a warning to ye, Sr. Fairah. I be done fooling with ye. Cross me again, and thou shalst follow thy brother!!
Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
P.S. Do ye want the carcass? The vultures have picked it clean, and if ye don't want it, we're just going to have to throw it out.
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