Saturday, August 11, 2007
I wish to assure thee that a recently circulated email implying that Sir Denzinger and our Patroness, Lady Katherine of Beckinsale, are having an affair is blatantly FALSE.
I have tracked the email's origin back to the secret Hotmail account of one Sister Fairah. I trust that all Truly Traditional Catholics will realize how tightly we have the heretics pressed against the wall, that they must resort to smear tactics rather than apologetics!
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney
First Knight Supreme of the HKTTC
Fear not! I have received email from several individuals concerned that, since our Vocations page has not been updated for a few weeks, that perhaps the entire Order had been captured by Modernists! First, let me assure thee that the Order would never be captured--ye might find our dead bodies inside a circle of slain heretics, but never would thee find us in a dungeon of the SPV2 community! We die with our swords in hand! A verbis ad verbera!
The reason that none of the brothers have been able to update the page is because the entire Order has been afield in a most daring, most secret raid. Thou may recall that I noted that the foul anti-Pope in Kansas was a most pressing danger to Truly Traditional Catholics? Well, not anymore! We have chased the foul heretic into hiding!
On August 6th, the Order received a Bull of Excommunication from the Anti-Pope Michael of the Vatican in Exile. I was so enraged that I promptly ran outside and hacked down a tree with my sword. To think that a foul apostate anti-Pope should think he even had the POWER to excommunicate a member of a holy Order of knights of the Truly True Church! The arrogance, the heresy, the nerve!! He must be made an example of! Otherwise, what lunancy could not be justified by that heretic, or the heretics at the SPV2?
Springing into action, I ordered the knights and postulants to break camp and saddle the horses. We were a bit low on horses (since, actually, I was the only one in possession of one) so I sent the postulants to commandeer the steeds from a local horse farm. We saddled up immediately and struck out for Delia, Kansas, where the fetid anti-Pope was holed up in his sprawling estate. We rode day and night, stopping only to demand vittles and supplies at swordpoint.
Finally, we arrived on a hill outside the anti-Pope's compound (a rusty doublewide trailer perched on the edge of a swamp) on the morning of the eighth day. The postulants were extremely weary, but my fellow knights were keen and alert. I sent Postulant Shamus O'Collins, a big strapping Irishman, as a messenger to the heretic. Imagine my joy when through my eyeglass I witnessed that the anti-pope himself answered the door, dressed in his bathrobe! The postulant exchanged words with the heretic, and pointed to our glorious battleforce. The heretic's eyes grew large with fear as he saw the sun glinting off the cold steel of an entire Order of fearless Truly Traditional Catholics!
The anti-pope gave young O'Collins a mighty shove, sending him careening backwards into one of the piles of rubbish that lay about the trailer. The heretic made a mad rush out of the Vatican-in-Exile to the papal carport, fumbling with the keys to his sagging '85 Ford Escort.
I smiled, drew my sword, and yelled "For Our Church, our Patroness, and the SSLI!" Sir Denzinger unfurled the flag of the Order as Postulant Giuseppe Francesca (Vincenzo would be proud of his nephew!) blew forth upon his trumpet. I kicked my steed forward, and with a mighty yell the rest of the Order followed, swords lofted high.
The anti-Pope fumbled his keys inside the car as the thundering of numerous horses bearing down upon him unnerved him. I was almost to the rusting automobile when he finally found the keys their home, slammed the transmission into reverse, and screeched backwards down his rutted dirt lane.
Spinning around, I ordered Sir Torquemada to take the postulants, ransack the heretic's papal apartments, and seize any useful papers that could be used at his heresy trial. After that, he was to set torch to the estate as a reminder of the price of heresy. I motioned to Sir Denzinger and we took off down the lane after the fleeing heretic.
The anti-pope, his face full of recognition of where his pretension to papal authority had landed him, reached the main highway moments before Sir Denzinger and I reached him. He flew out onto the paved road, made a huge U-turn, and hurtled off down the road. Without missing a beat, we brave knights gave him chase.
To be continued...
Friday, July 27, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
The postulants thought it was neat, so i hope u all do 2.
Sir Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger, HKTTC
Second Knight, Chief of the Armory
In addition to inquiries from numerous young men and lads, I have also received correspondence from several young ladies about a possible religious vocation within the Truly True Church. I promised to the inquirers to look into a possible situation but I had no viable options available. Until now!
I am proud to announce that Sr. Tissier de Mallerais (named after one of Archbishop Lefebvre's brave Group of Four who stood up against the Modernists in Rome) has taken up residency adjacent to the HKTTC temporary encampment in Memphis. Sister comes to us from an independent convent in Georgia, an institution which was originally associated with the SSPX but then left after the SSPX lapsed into hersey. Sister felt compelled to leave the convent after it, too, lapsed into heresy. She learned of the Truly True Church through several truck drivers that Sir Denzinger and myself had evangelized in Wichita.
I have thoroughly examined Sister and found her a most pious and learned woman. She will be starting a school for our young postulants and teaching them Latin and anti-Modernist rhetoric. She has also established and heads a new congregation of nuns, temporarily funded by the HKTTC, under the spiritual patronage of the Society of St. Leo I, and pastored by myself. The Congregation of the Ruler-Bearing Little Sisters of St. Leo (CRBLSSL) is a teaching order espousing the Truthiness of the Truly True Church and advancing reading, writing, and arithmetic. Once the Chapel of St. Leo I is constructed in Nashville, Mother plans to relocate her school on to property adjacent to this most inspiring edifice.
All vocations inquiries may be directed to Mother Tissier at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Today was a glorious day for our Order. This morning we wrapped up our "Come and See" week activities. To those who say that knightly work is too dangerous for young lads, I'm proud to point out that only one of our participants was injured in the week's activities (and those facial scars will score him free ale later on in life.)
The boys were pleased to see their parents at the temporary chapel tent but little did they know what liturgical delights lay ahead for them.I announced that Brs. Denzinger and Torquemada were to receive the habit and profess their solemn vows with the Order this very day! (See the habit of the Order to the left--I assure you it even SMELLS of sanctity)
I do not wish to outline the Habit and Vow Ceremony here on this interweb site (in case that foul Harpy Sr. Fairah should use it for some satanic anti-Truthiness ceremony.) However, I can tell ye that when the brothers, clothed in their glorious habits, swore upon their swords' hilts the Five Vows, there was not a dry eye amongst any of the visitors.
I presented the new religious to the congregation
and then announced a special honor:
Our Patroness, the most chaste and virtuous Lady Katherine of Beckinsale, was present to knight the two brothers! Our Patroness, who had been wearing a veil to hide her beautiful face and a heavy cloak to obscure her fine carriage, threw off her disguise and took her position before the two religious. She solemnly dubbed both the men knights and they arose Sir Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger, HKTTC and Sir Torquemada of the Pissed Off Truly True Church, HKTTC.
Immediately following the Vow Ceremony, we were
nearly knocked down by the flood of young lads
clamoring to enter Postulancy.
My heart was gladdened by their piety,
and the piety of their Truthy parents.
I even had one woman yell "Take me son!!!"
and she did lob the child at me.
At the end of the day, the Order now has two new solemnly professed Knights and ten postulants!
The Truly True Church is alive and well!
For Our Patroness, For Our Truly True Church, For the Society, For the Order! A verbis ad verbera!
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC