"Ah, I love the smell of heretic flesh roasting in the morning"

Salutations, friends and supporters,
I hate to be the bearer of bad news twice in a row, but I feel compelled to bring it to thy attention. Last night, whilst the knights and our young visitors were all at table feasting over a lavish spread of fowl and mutton (thanks to Br. Denzinger's cooking skills), one of our assembly said something that shocked the entire table into silence. A middle-aged man named Bradley had come to our Vocations week on Monday night, asking to be given consideration as a postulant. Typically, we only accept young warriors, but I liked his heart and thought maybe he would do well being the porter for our new novitiate. We clothed him in a simple postulant robe and invited him into our motley company.

It was this Bradley, who the HKTTC had taken in off the street with open arms, who stated the ill-gotten words. We were laughing and feasting and he quiped "You know what would help with all the tension around here, a little Reiki and a couple good yoga sessions." The entire assembly fell silent and Bradley threw both hands over his mouth, realizing his mistake; his eyes grew wide with fear (wider even than a Frenchman's on a battlefield). I leaped onto the table, crossing the distance betwixt us while simultaneously drawing my sword in one smooth motion. Brs. Denzinger and Torquemada leaped to their feet as well and within seconds Bradley's neck was surrounded by cold steel blades.

"And where,"I asked him, my blade twittering next to his jugular, "Did ye learn about Reiki?" The cowed man stuttered, "Fr-From-From a magazine at the bus station!" I didn't believe the liar for an instant, and I was immensely pleased when one of our young recruits leaped to his feet, in full comprehension, pointed to the knave, and shrieked, "HERETIC! A HERETIC! Here, in our midst!" I was proud of the young lads, none of them ran away in fright! Indeed, two of them ran and got some rope and bound the heretic whilst I questioned him.

The heretic was not being cooperative at first, but a few hours upon the rack softened him up. That is how I learned that he was Sr. Fairah's brother, the ex-Novus Ordo priest Bradley Fawcett, sent by that foul Harpy of a sister of his to spy on the inner workings of the HKTTC.

Well, after an admission of evil like that, there was only one thing I felt I could do. I had to "light 'em up!"



Our young visitors proved quite hardy during the whole ordeal. In fact, some of them even went so far as to roast marshmellows for s'mores on the heretic's pyre! Now tell me these boys not be made of mettle and Truthiness strong enough for the HKTTC!

Let this be a warning to ye, Sr. Fairah. I be done fooling with ye. Cross me again, and thou shalst follow thy brother!!

Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

P.S. Do ye want the carcass? The vultures have picked it clean, and if ye don't want it, we're just going to have to throw it out.

MODERNISTS UNMASKED: The hypocrisy of the SPV2 Community

Dearest friends and supporters,
Tis my sad duty to inform ye, during this week of hope (in which Truly Traditional vocations are flourishing), that the Modernist heresy is alive and well in the U.S. Verily, not far from this fair city of Memphis, wherest the HKTTC have made their encampment, the foul stench of HERESY is arising from the Smoky Mountains. Oh, dear brethren, the mighty priests of the SSLI, those brave saintly men who goest by the names Fr. LeJanvier and Fr. Heidrich, they do labor in those hills, tis true. But great is their battle, dear friends!

It will interest ye to know that I have infiltrated an especially pernicious nest of heretics, named the SPV2 community. In fact, I have managed to gain access to their personal interweb communications site. Oh, the dastardly things these heretics write doth make even mine hair, these hairs that have seen a thousand men fall in battle, even these hairs stand on end in fright! Tis as if the very darkest demon hath crawled forth from Hell's heart and taken pen to parchment. I will not trouble thee with what blasphemies are written there; suffice to know that they art dark as dragon's blood.

Thou art surely wondering whyst the HKTTC hath not ridden into glorious battle into the very midst of these foul apostates? Indeed, brethren, for months my heart hath longed to dispatch wrack and ruin upon them! But saintly Fr. LeJanvier, who I hath sworn obedience to, hath staid my sword arm of wrath. He hath mercy on the heretics, seeing that they art the blind leading the blind into eternal perdition. You should see how he weeps over them, dearest supporters. It makes even mine heart break to see the love that this Truthy priest hath for the lost sheep. It is for this reason alone that I hath not brought the Scourge of God against this heretic enclave.

Indeed, brethren, as an act of mercy, I endeavored to enter into dialogue with the heretics on their own web portal. I used the most gently prodding terms and expressions, endeavouring to show them the error of their ways. I didst not back down from the Truthy dogmas of our Truly True Church, but I didst try to hath patience with their obstinacy.

But how have these heretics responded to mine pleas? With arrogance and buffoonery! Ye would not believe how I hath been ill-abused by these knaves! One heretic in particular, Sr. Fairah, is the most devious, foul-tempered Harpy I hath ever hath the misfortune to run across. Her forked tongue doth practically leap from her fetid mouth with every foul-smelling lie that she spews forth! She doth stamp her hoofed foot and a thousand black calumnies spring forth from the motion.

I tried in vain to convince this intractable heretic of the evil of her life, but she was merely defended and confirmed in her carnality by her fellows! Whilst I was preparing another rebuttal, a final plea for her soul, her dark overlord, the Mephistophelian Fr. Tim, didst step in and enable a devilish device known as "Comment moderation." It is as foul and soulless an infernal device as it sounds, dear brethren. This device refuses to allow me to reach out to the heretics; the cloven-footed Fr. Tim doth now control the flow of information to his sect.

Now we see how the Modernists act! They claim freedom of speech and expression for every lie and heresy, but for the blazing glory of Truthiness they dispatch malevolent censors and demons to bowdlerize the Truthiness of the Truly True Church! They have trampled down and defecated upon my right to save heretic souls from everlasting perdition! Locked in their ignorance, these heretic souls shalt now kick their heels at Heaven and take up their abode in the fiery cauldrons of God's wrath.

BEWARE, Truly Traditional Catholics! See howst goeth the Modernist heretics? See what seeds they sow and what crop they doth reap? Flee from any contact with these heretic scum. For the safety of thine souls, flee! Thou art the Remnant, and thou must protect thyself and thy children from the coming scourge!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church

'Come and See' Week a Smashing Success

Salutations, loyal supporters,


It is my pleasure to announce to ye that the first annual Holy Knights of the Truly True Church's 'Come and See' Week is a smashing success! We have thirteen strapping young Truly Traditional lads who are eager to take up the vocation of a knight-monk dedicated to the service of the Truly True Church! They range in age from the youngest (5) to the eldest (17). As I type this on my iPhone, the little buggers are off jousting with Br. Denzinger in the parade field. Don't worry, folks, we gave them real swords and Brother a wooden one, just to make it fair!

The young lads will spend the week learning more about the HKTTC and about the glorious history of the Truly True Church. They will also learn how to spot a Modernist from 50yds and how to flagellate using both ropes and chains. Time permitting, the boys will master the use of a trebuchet to fling stinking carcasses of plague-ridden animals into the strongholds of New Rome.

Thy donations and purchases of our ale make events like this possible. I am sure that we shall have several vocations arise from this event, and for that the HKTTC be eternally grateful. With thy help, we shall beat down the heretics and restore the Truly True Church to its rightful place in history!!

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

Third Order of the HKTTC

Greetings and salutations, friends and supporters,

I have been contacted by numerous individuals about the ways in which they can support our holy Order. Obviously, one can buy our ale, donate money, or donate thy sons to the Order. But I have also discerned there is a need for an organization that will allow ye to provide spiritual aid to the Order. To this end, I am hereby establishing, by my authority as First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church, the Third Order of the HKTTC.

Membership in the Third Order is open to anyone who is willing to pray and sacrifice for the Order and its mission of supporting the SSLI and converting the world to the Truly True Church. Spiritual direction will be provided via email, telephone, and in person from the First Knight Supreme himself.

The obligations imposed upon members are minimal:
1) Pray the full 15 hours of the Truly True Church's prayer book in Latin
2) Mortify the flesh with an ice cold shower for a half hour every morning
3) Donate 10% of all income (after the mandatory SSLI tithe, of course) to the HKTTC
4) Pray that New Rome may once again accept the Truthy faith
5) Actively work to encourage vocations to the HKTTC in thy family and SSLI-affliated chapel
6) Work to convert heretics to the Truly True Church

If ye are interested in becoming a member of the Third Order, please place your request in the comment box below. I will post the final list to a sidebar item so that our 3rd Order members can network and support each other in their spiritual duties.

Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

"Come and See" Week for Young Men

Attention young men considering a vocation to the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church:

PRESS RELEASE
There will be a "Come and See" week for young men in discernment July 16-20, 2007 at the HKTTC encampment at the Memphis, TN fairgrounds. Young men will see how a knight-monk lives, experience weapons training, and receive free spiritual direction from the First Knight Supreme of the Order. This is an exciting opportunity to see first-hand what a vocation to a Truly Traditional martial Order entails. Free hairshirts to the first ten applicants. All applicants should be virtuous and from large families practicing the pure Truly Traditional faith. Please contact the Vocations Director at sirrevleonardfeeney@hkttc.org.

(In case you are wondering why this event is being held in Memphis rather than Knoxville, it is because the Order's semi-truck shot a piston through its hood right as we rolled across the TN border.)

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director

UPDATE: Four boys have already signed up for this event. Only six free hairshirts are left!

A HOLY CRUSADE AGAINST THE POPE!!!!

No, not THAT Pope, THIS pope..



The only thing that the HKTTC hates more than the Modernists who sit in Rome are those traditionalists who claim to be Traditional but are nothing more than thinly cloaked heretics. These Pseudo-Traditionalists, or PseuTrads as I prefer to call them, lack the Truthiness of the Truly True Church and lead many innocent Traditional souls to damnation by their falsehoods.

This 'Pope Michael' and his sect have the gall to think that they have the authority to elect a pope to the vacant Apostolic See! Outrageous! As every priest of the SSLI can tell ye, only a council composed of Truly Traditional Catholics has the authority to elect a successor to Pope St. Leo the Great (Revised Code of Canon Law of the Truly True Church, Canon 989). This sect's election and installation of an Anti-Pope is the worst treason to Truthiness. It's so treasonous, in fact, that I pronounce this 'Pope Michael' to be Anti-Truthiness itself in embodied form. Never since Judas himself has such a fiend been loosed upon the surface of the Earth.

I know that there are those in the ranks of our faithful supporters who would argue that the SPV2 community is a greater threat to Truthiness. Not so! SPV2's heresies are so egregious and apparent that Truly Traditional Catholics easily see through their lies and stratagems. These vile 'Michaelnites' however, flaunt the suits and trappings of Truthiness but they do so only so that they may ensnare Truthy souls more completely. With my sword as my witness, the Michaelnites art the greater danger to the Truly True Church!

In order to halt the spread of this evil across the Earth, and to preserve the sanctity of Truly Traditional Catholics everywhere, we knights of the HKTTC do hereby resolve to lay waste to the strongholds of the Anti-Truthiness and wipe out all remembrance of this vile sect from the face of the Earth. We will give no quarter, extend no mercies, and hold back no engine of war until this fetid blasphemy is stamped into ash under the feet of Truthiness! This we do solemnly swear by the hilts of our swords!

We have sent a list of the manifest theological errors and heresies of this vile, devilish sect to the priests of the SSLI. It is our hope that our spiritual fathers will agree that this anti-Pope poses a clear danger to the Truly True Church and will authorize a Holy Crusade of Truthiness against these false 'Catholics'. (If this Holy Crusade be declared, then Truly Traditional Catholics are notified that it is their solemn duty as members of the Truly True Church to provide able-bodied male offspring, materiel, and monetary funds to the SSLI for the war effort).

Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
First Knight Supreme of the Holy Knights of the Truly True Church

New Novitiate Plans

Dear friends and supporters,

Huzzah! These are happy times for the HKTTC! Our sales of 'Bloody Sword of Truthiness Ale' have been going through the roof, our vocations rate has gone up 200%, and the brothers and I are on our way to join the pious brethern of the SSLI in Knoxville. We will arrive just as building is commenced on the glorious Chapel. These are happy times indeed.

All the novices and I would like to extend a cordial "Thank ye!" for thy support and prayers during the initial days of the HKTTC. As the Order continues to grow, it is essential that we have a sufficiently contemplative (and strategically defendable) novitiate for our young men in formation. After consulting several Truthy architects, I have settled upon a building plan. Once we arrive in Knoxville, the Order will begin examining lots for purchase (preferably high in the Smokies) for the construction of the La Grande Smoketuse fortress/novitiate:



Donations will be cheerfully accepted (the HKTTC is a 401 (c) charity).

Cordially,
Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
Vocations Director